A Painted House

My kids’ other Mom.

Posted on: August 10, 2011

I’ve been really hit-or-miss on the blogging lately because it’s summer and we’re busy and honestly, I’ve gotten so far behind on cataloging my projects that it seems overwhelming to pick a place to start.  I have a list of topics saved off to the side about which I want to blog and no joke, it’s seventeen items long.  And that doesn’t even include the MAJOR project just completed in our kitchen.

So a couple of weeks ago I felt the blogging itch again and decided I’d just sit down and start with the first topic on the list and work my way down as I have time.  And then I saw the first topic titled “My kids’ other Mom”.  Oh crap.  It’s a post I’ve been mulling over since March when I first added it to my list.  And everytime I sit down to write out the thoughts swirling in my head it seems too big, too important, too hard to put down in words.   Gah.

It’s no secret to our family and close friends (our second family, if you will) that Travis and I hope to adopt someday.  We’re not sure of the number of children or from which country (I’ve always seen an African boy and he’s fixated on an Asian girl; who knows, maybe we’ll end up with both) but we know that God has called us to bring at least one non-biological child into our family.  And until recently “someday” has always seemed far off…..after he graduates from medical school, after he finishes residency, after we have our biological babies, after we own a home big enough to accommodate a larger family.  But did you notice something?  All of those “afters” have come and gone.  Well, almost all…..there’s still the matter up for discussion regarding more biological children. 

Even should we have one more birthed baby, we’re within five years of beginning our efforts to be matched with our adopted child(ren).   And up until recently I’ve always thought of them as just that – OUR children whom we simply haven’t met yet.  Who probably don’t even exist yet.  But you know who does exist?  Their first Moms.  Those beautiful women who likely aren’t even pregnant with the babies I will raise as my own.  Who are even now entering the stage of life that will lead to their being unable to care for the kids who will someday become my babies.  And before each baby becomes ours, he or she will first and in some ways always, be hers.

I don’ t know these women but they are so heavy on my heart that I can almost physically feel it.  I don’t know what is going to happen in their lives that will cause their babies to grow up in my home, but it’s happening soon.  Will they become pregnant unexpectedly?  Enter a marriage that will fail?  Contract an illness?  Lose their spouse?  Lose their own lives?  They may have no idea that extremely difficult things are coming into their lives in these next few years, but here on the other side of the earth, I do.  Because God has called me to raise their children as my own; which means they cannot.

I don’t know these women.  I don’t know if they’re teenagers or mothers already multiple times over, well or already suffering with an illness, loved or alone.  But I pray for them.  Oh, how I pray for them.  Because someday, someday soon, they are going to have to face giving up the most precious gift, their child, into the care of someone else.  Someone they’ll never meet.  Me.  I’ll never be able to assure them that their child will grow up so very loved.  That they will have older brothers to watch out for them.  And Grandparents who will cover them in prayer and affection.  That they will be nurtured in a home with two devoted parents who desperately love God.

I don’t know these women.  But I know the God who knows these women. Who created them and ordained all of their days.  Their children may someday be committed to my care, but these precious girls are already in God’s care.  So I pray for them.  I pray that God will give them strength when they need it.  I pray that their pregnancies will be joyous times.  I pray that they will have the courage to face what is coming, even if it is the end of their own lives.  I pray that they know God loves them.  I even pray that God will spare them the pain and allow those babies to stay with their parents, even if that means I never get to hold them.  But should He choose not to, I pray that they will know deep in their hearts, even though I can’t tell them, that their children will be loved.  And that they will always, always be their Moms.

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7 Responses to "My kids’ other Mom."

Beautifully said, Kristin! Such a touching post.

Sheesh…. (in a good way) … you captured it so perfectly I’m not sure a comment even makes sense. But please know that I think from now on, when I think of you, I will think of this, and will try to also say a prayer for your future child’s first mom.

amen. that’s all i can say really. I’m very happy for you (and my other friends) that are on the roadway to adoption. it’s something i long for, but i’m not sure it’ll be a desire that’s ever fulfilled…therefore, i am COMMITTED to praying for YOU (and all the others!) who are on the the pathway to adoption…i’m proud to pray for all of you–and for the babies’ first mamas. 🙂

That was beautiful! We have talked about adoption and don’t know if that will be something we end up doing or not, but that is a wonderful idea, for me to start praying for that situation now. Thanks for the inspiration. You are a great mom, to the kids you have now, and the ones to come!
Erin MItchell

Yes, yes, yes! Prayed along with you now. Beautiful sentiments, friend. But I know they are so much more than pretty words: they are evidence of humble, committed souls. May God continue to guide you on this path.

I love this, Kristin.

Weeping! It’s so beautiful that you and Travis are following God in this! Can’t wait to hear more…

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